Bad Pilot, No Vodka!
by CrimsonDragon010
Summary: What you get when you have a psychotic Dorothy, materialistic Quatre, homophobic Wufei,and much much more…did we mention a prank call to Zechs?…some HxR, slight QxT. Its basically a get together gone horribly wrong…


Hey ya'll, this is CrimsonDragon010 and Ivory Night doing a double feature . Yup, we were over at my house and figured we'd make a fic together and what better topic than the Gundam gang getting drunk! WOO HOO! Well actually its more of a little drinking game where you're asked questions and if you don't answer you have to take a shot of vodka! Kettle One baby all the way!! Yup, so lets see how this is going to turn out   
  
CrimsonDragon010: Alright! Let's begin Ivory!....Ivory?  
  
Ivory Night:...'looking at computer'...I WANT TO TYPE! I WANT TO TYPE!!!  
  
CrimsonDragon010: SILENCE!!!If you type we'll never get this finished by 8.  
  
Ivory Night: 'Pouts'...meanie...  
  
CrimsonDragon010: You know I love you! 'SMOOCH'  
  
Ivory Night: Hey! Not in front of the reviewers! They'll assume things...perverts ALL OF YOU! Perverts!  
  
CrimsonDragon010:Uhhhhhh ok um hopefully not but, we don't own Gundam Wing right Ivory?  
  
Ivory Night: 'Clutching Duo for dear life' Don't take him awaaaaayy!!  
  
CrimsonDragon010: 'Rolls her eyes', ok now on with the story...takes out Gojyo plushie and hugs him crying...  
  
vvvvvvvvv  
  
AC:197  
  
Its a beautiful Saturday night and the whole gang has been invited to Quatre's beautiful and massive mansion (so what else is new) in the great Swiss Alps.(quite a change from the desert)  
  
The doorbell rings and Quatre hesitantly leaves the mentally unstable Dorothy in the living room to run to the door. She gnaws viscously at her restraints all the while trying to plot a way to steal Quatre's yellow scarf (which he treasured ever since the handsome American skier had given him as a token of appreciation...for what you ask? Let your imagination run wild...)  
  
He opens the door to the smiling face of Duo, who pounced him automatically.(think Calvin and Hobbes). Behind him stood Wufei, Trowa, Heero and Relena.  
  
"HEYA BUDDY BOY!!HOW ARE THINGS SHAKING!" Quatre stared at him with wide eyes and a nervous smile...  
  
"Uh...Duo did you get drunk before you got here?"  
  
"No of course not! Trowa wouldn't let me touch the stuff! 'mumble mumble' Hogging it all to himself..." Duo glared at the clown whose face was now...still emotionless and sober.  
  
Relena's voice cut off his stare "Well both of you should have waited until we got here, what the point of playing a drinking game when your already drunk?"  
  
"Ey don't worry princess Trowa's bottomless!"  
  
Quatre looked half worriedly at Trowa who was now walking towards the living room, strangely swaying to the left. Heero seemed to be too busy fascinated by the snowflakes outside...  
  
Heero's thoughts - Snowflakes...hm...  
  
'Flashback'...11 years ago...  
  
A little boy is sitting in a military training compound beside the mad doctor with a robotic hand watching an old video where the person is showing off their swiftness, gravity defying moves, as they glide back and forth...graceful as a snowflake...A child's voice breaks the silence...  
  
"Dr.J?"  
  
"What is it Heero?"  
  
"...I wish I could skate as well as Christy Yamaguchi..."  
  
A flying metal scrap cut off his thoughts and his consciousness for the rest of the night. That was the last time he ever strayed away from concentrating on his missions and the last time Doctor J let him watch any TV...It was also the last time he ever shared his dreams of becoming an Olympic champion ice skater...  
  
'End of Flashback'  
  
Heero sighed after his momentary memories had past. Well they weren't too momentary considering the fact that everyone was staring at him, pondering why he was staring at the snow on the windowpane for the past 13 minutes with a strange longing smile on his face.  
  
"Um...Heero are you ok?"  
  
He looked at Relena's worried expression and nodded his head.  
  
"GREAT! LETS GET THIS GAME STARTED THEN!" Duo rushed to the living room with extreme enthusiasm, worrying his friends even more. They all entered the living room and sat in a circle beside Dorothy.  
  
"What's up Dorothy! How's it going?" Duo waved at the fidgety blonde.  
  
She looked towards him baring her surprisingly sharp teeth and hissed in fury.  
  
"O...K... Quatre! Where's the vodka?"  
  
"Right here Duo!" The blonde entered with three bottles of clear liquid in his hands.  
  
"Alrighty let's begin! I start!" Duo passed out the shot glasses and everyone settled down in the comfy couches, Heero and Relena by each other, next to Trowa who sat on a single chair, as did Wufei. Quatre took his place beside Dorothy who suddenly quieted down and glared at his shiny golden scarf...  
  
"Alright my first question goes to Wufei." Said a very eccentric Duo. Wufei grumbled something about a stupid braided moron mixed with some Chinese curse words ending with injustice (A.N. We had to put the injustice in there...)  
  
"My question is...did you ever get lucky with Sally?"  
  
Heero's voice cut off whatever foul sound was to be emitted from Wufei's enraged head.  
  
"Sorry Duo you just lost your turn."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You just asked a forbidden question and have thus lost your turn."  
  
"That's bullshit! I can ask whatever I want! Right Quatre?"  
  
The blonde was momentarily too busy trying to release his shirtsleeve from the clutches of Dorothy's mouth.  
  
"Uh...! I'll be with you in a second Duo...urgg!" And the tugging commenced.  
  
Duo pouted and crossed his arms, sinking lower into his seat.  
  
"Well then I guess it's my turn now..."  
  
Wufei smirked and turned towards Trowa.  
  
"Barton, have you ever thought of Yuy as more than a friend?"  
  
Trowa's face remained emotionless as he rose up his glass and took a shot. Heero's eyes widened for a moment but returned to their original size as he edged closer to Relena.  
  
Turning towards Relena Trowa fidgeted with his glass, which he had drunk much more from than he technically should have...  
  
"Relena did you ever consider the fact that there might be something horribly wrong with Heero at any point in your life. Like, you know...the times when he tried to kill you?"  
  
A slightly confused Relena could only mutter the words "um...well" before she took a shot from her glass. She could feel Heero's icy glare on her, but she turned her attention towards Dorothy.  
  
"Dorothy, what was the real reason you stabbed Quatre?"  
  
Dorothy slowly turned her head towards the shaking blonde man and very softly yet audibly said,  
  
"He knows why...and his little scarf is in on it too..."  
  
She took a shot from her glass and stared at the scarf. Duo had already lost part of his soberness, since he kept on entertaining himself with continuous glasses of alcohol.  
  
"ALLLLRIGHT! Its my turn!"  
  
"Actually Duo its Dorot-"  
  
"SHUT YOUUURRRR TRAP! URRH ...WUFEI?"  
  
He squinted at the Chinese man and set his attention on Heero.  
  
"Alrighty Mr.Ialwaysplaybytherules. Let's see you get past this one! How much wood would your woodchuck chuck if your woodchuck could chuck wood. AND BE SPECIFIC!" He winked.  
  
"5."  
  
Duo was mildly satisfied but sat down to continue his alcohol consumption.  
  
"Alright, my question is for Relena."  
  
Relena almost choked on the glass she was just drinking. (AN Have you noticed everyone is drinking out of turn? We sure have! But who cares! 'Throws arms up' The more drinks the merrier!)  
  
"Why did you keep stalking me during the war?"  
  
"Um..." bottles down what's left in the bottle... "Because I found you attractive."  
  
His eyes widened for the second time but then his face molded into an amused and evil smile.  
  
"How attractive?"  
  
Duo jumps up in his chair and screams off the top of his lungs. "HEY! YOU CAN'T ASK TWICE THAT'S BREAKING THE RULES! 'HIC' YOU LOSE 'HIC' YOUR TURN 'HIC'" Falls back into his chair.  
  
1 Hour Later...and after many lost turns...and broken rules...  
  
Duo, Heero, and Relena are evidently extremely drunk, considering the fact that they had been taking shots for almost every question. Trowa's face is very red, and though he didn't act it you could tell he wasn't in his right state of mind. Dorothy had answered every question with a remark about Quatre's yellow scarf, and Wufei watched unamused as Heero and Relena were busy making out on the couch for the past 20 minutes.  
  
"Are you two going to give it a break already! Jeez your making me sick!"  
  
Suddenly Heero broke free and got up taking Relena by the hand...  
  
"You know what Wufei your right. Come on Relena lets go find Quatre's room."  
  
She stumbled halfway as she stood up, leaning on him for support. A very drunk Duo called out to Heero with a big smile on his face.  
  
"Hey Heero!! You should give Zechs a call and let him know your going to be sleeping with his sister."  
  
Heero turned and looked at him in disgust, but then broke out into a smile.  
  
"YOUR ABSOLUTELY RIGHT! Where's the phone?"  
  
He reached for the cordless phone on the table and dialed Zech's number.  
  
'ring ring'  
  
"Hello, Milliardo speaking."  
  
"Hey sexy Zechsy, how's it going?"  
  
"Who the hell is this?"  
  
"It's me lover, Heero."  
  
"You son of a bitch you dare call me and intrude like this? What the hell are you?... drunk?!  
  
"...........YES! Hey I was just calling to let you know I'm going to sleep with your sister if that's ok with you."  
  
"WHAT?! THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT OK YOU SICK BASTARD! DON'T TOUCH HER!"  
  
"Hey Relena he said its ok, have fun!"  
  
"I DID NOT! I'LL STRANGLE YOU!! THAT'S IT I'M COMING THERE RIGHT NOW, I KNOW WHERE YOU ARE!!!! WHERE IS SHE I WANT TO TALK WITH HER!"  
  
"Sorry she can't talk right now. Thanks again, bye!"  
  
'click'  
  
Quatre rubbed his temples as he watched the two slip upstairs in search of a more comfortable space.  
  
'Zechs is going to shoot me for having this stupid get together...'  
  
"HEY QUATRE!"  
  
'sigh' "What is it Duo..."  
  
"Why does Dorothy keep talking about your scarf huh? It's just a stupid yellow scarf."  
  
'GASP' "Duo! Don't ever talk about my scarf that way! Why it's a treasure, Jeremy gave it to me fo-"  
  
"WHAT?! WHO THE HELL IS JEREMY?"  
  
Trowa's outburst made everyone jump 6 feet out of their seats. Well except for Heero and Relena who weren't in the room anymore...  
  
"Uh, nothing Trowa he is this skier I met-"  
  
"A SKIER HUH??!! WELL PLEASE TELL US MORE ABOUT THIS SKIER!"  
  
He was now approaching Quatre who backed away slowly. Trowa came up to Dorothy and released her restraints.  
  
"DOROTHY! GET THE SCARF NOW!!!!!"  
  
"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH!!" Dorothy lunged at Quatre who now began running like a maniac, Trowa and Dorothy hot on his trail.  
  
Wufei who was the only conscious one left in the room huddled in his seat, rocking back and forth murmuring..."I-I KNEW IT...HOMOPHOBES!-I KNEW THEY WERE TOGETHER..EH HEH HEH EHHHE HEHEHEEEHEHE. 'twitch'"  
  
Sadly, at that exact moment Duo stirred from his drunken slumber and pointed mockingly at Wufei laughing...  
  
"HAHA! HOMPHOBE..."  
  
Wufei taking out his hidden Katana...  
  
"SHUT UP MAXWELL! YOUR WOMAN ISN'T HERE TO PROTECT YOU NOW! ARRGGGHHHH!" (A.N. Who is Hilde if your wondering...)  
  
And seeing the blade and fury in his friend's eyes, the braided warrior ran as fast as his drunk legs could take him, alcohol rich blood pumping in his veins. So they joined the chase.  
  
Suddenly the door burst open and Storm Zechs entered with a mighty roar.  
  
"HHHEEERRRRROOOOOOO!!!! WHERE ARE YOU YOU BASTARD! COME OUT AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN YOU SISSY POWDERPUFF!!!AND GET OF MY SISTER WHEREVER YOU ARE!"  
  
He ran up the stairs to begin his search. Quatre tried to run up after him to stop him but was held back when Dorothy caught his ankle dragging him to the floor...  
  
Next Morning...  
  
Zechs lay unconscious on the floor in front of a bed occupied by two bodies, who still had half their clothes on since they passed out before anything unmentionable could happen. Beside him was a rather large broken lamp...  
  
Trowa lay sleeping on the floor, hugging one side of the warm yellow scarf, while the other side was presently in Dorothy's mouth, constantly being drooled and chewed on.  
  
Wufei and Quatre were huddled on the couch sleeping peacefully, with Duo lying on their lap in the middle, clutching a broken katana for dear life. (AN. Once again feel free to let your imagination run wild...)  
  
You can imagine the conversation they'll be having in a couple of hours...  
  
vvvvvvvvvv  
  
FINALLY DONE!  
  
Ivory Night: With my brilliance and my associate WHO WOULDN'T LET ME TYPE! We finally finished this fic in 3 hours or so.  
  
CrimsonDragon010: Ah suck it up :p, that was fun. HEE HEE. And yes, my BRILLIANCE helped tremendously. Uh ya my partner was somewhat helpful too.  
  
Ivory Night: Hey! I heard that!  
  
CrimsonDragon010: You know I love you...'huggles'  
  
Ivory Night: Please don't start this again...  
  
CrimsonDragon010: Ok everyone, hope you enjoyed this as much as we did. Please review and so long for now! Toodles!  
  
Ivory Night: Bye everyone! Reviews would be loved, and sorry for calling you all perverts, seriously I didn't mean it...well actually I did but-  
  
CrimsonDraogn010: IVORY!! Silence!!! 'continues hugging Gojyo doll'  
  
Ivory Night: Mmm, meanie...BYEE!  
  
. 


End file.
